The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
