No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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