my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
