i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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