got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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