Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
