My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
