Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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