We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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