I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
