New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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