Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
