Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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