You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
