pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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