Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Green mimosas i think yes
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
