I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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