Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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