she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
