She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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