He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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