my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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