I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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