i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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