I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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