it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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