I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
