i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
