The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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