I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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