Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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