I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
