Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I checked into jail on foursquare
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
