At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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