Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
last night I used snow as a chaser
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
