**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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