I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
