My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
