I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
