i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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