your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
