who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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