Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
