I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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