i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
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