Christians are straight up FREAKS
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
