Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
