What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
