just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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