She went from zero to smokin in five shots
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
