Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
