turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
