That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
